In an age of instant media this would take brass balls, or shit for brains, or both to say, and I quote directly, “It’s kind of too bad that it’s turned into a story.” I got news for ya pal, when you win $1,296,000.00, for many of us, that’s news, you know, “a story!” Matt Kucher, or Kuuuuuch, as he’s known on the golf course, had the good fortune of winning the Mayakoba Golf Classic in Mexico in November with the help of a local caddie named David Giral Ortiz.The winning check that Matt Kucher collected was $1,296,000.00, thank you, Tiger Woods!
As the story goes, Matty’s regular caddie couldn’t make it because he was busy polishing his Lexus at home in the U.S, or something, so Matty made an “arrangement” with the local caddie David Giral Ortiz. If Matty’s caddie had been their, witch I’m sure he wishes he had, he would have received approximately $130,000, or 10% of the winning check from Kucher for the win, thanks Tiger Woods. Lets see, $1,296,000 minus $130,000 is $1,166,000, not bad! But Matty, that all American boy, that great philanthropist, Olympian, shoe salesman, and obvious trump voter, decided to fulfill his “arrangement” with Ortiz by paying him $5000.00. Let see, $1,296,000.00 minus $5000.00 is $1,291,000.00, way better!! No wonder he’s got a great smile.
To be fair, Matty did offer Ortiz $15,000.00 to keep his mouth shut, but Ortiz told him that he could “empujaio en tu cuio!!!” So the wizard has some advice for Kuuuuch, always remember, as Tom Petty said, “ The more you get , the more you get.” And to quote the caddie, “ Shove it up your ass you cheep gringo mother fucker, and keep both eyes open in Mexico City next week, adios!!”