I will give no advice, I will offer no comfort, but your words ring true to me. I would say your post tells me at least you have the sensibility, and maturity to recognize in yourself things that many of us tried for years to ignore, to our detriment. Yes, the pain and doubt will always be a part of you, but with your self recognition, a little help from your friends, and some courage, your not alone, and your going to be a good man! Take it a day at a time. Peace be with you. D